Hello there,
My name is Astrid, I'm from London, UK and I got my silicone implants 9 years ago (as a 21st birthday present from my fiancee). I was a picture of health and a small perky B cup, but I wanted to be a bouncing D cup - just like my beautiful perfect sisters (I'm 5ft 9 and skinny and they're petite and wonderfully curvy, I felt like a freak next to them and they always teased me).
I was a catwalk model but I had dreams of being a lingerie model... so 3 days after my 18th birthday, I booked in with a clinic and had two huge bags of silicone implanted onto my chest (sub-pectoral, textured). Woke up feeling like I'd been kicked in the chest and wondering what the hell I'd done (they looked huge). 2 weeks later I realized something had gone horribly wrong as my left implant was up around my chin (I kid you not). My surgeon said it was normal, I got mildly hysterical and shouted at him that "if this was normal, then I wanted them out....NOW" he then backed down and agreed it wasn't "quite right" and back into theatre I went, to have it corrected.
Roll on a few weeks and my breasts were perfect, the swelling had gone down and they were fabulous, no-one could tell they were fake (not even my GP, she insisted in feeling them as she just didn't believe me). They were bouncy, soft and bloody marvelous.
1 month later I landed a contract with a major lingerie label and my career took off - full steam ahead. Everything was picture-perfect for 3 years... I married my fiancee, we bought a house, I had beautiful breasts and I had my dream job (life couldn't be more perfect) I was so happy, everyday was like a fairytale.
Then, one day, I abruptly woke up from my fairytale and the nightmare began; it started with a red rash all over my left breast (the one that had been corrected 3 years ago) and a burning pain searing through my breast, shoulder and arm... I then developed such an intense migraine that I fell unconscious..... my neighbor found me on my doorstep and called an ambulance (no idea how I'd got there, must have crawled outside for help). At the hospital they thought I'd had a stoke as my eye and mouth were distorted (this only lasted a few hours and thank God - went back to normal). I don't know why, but I just knew something was wrong with my implant... but I was dismissed, told "don't be a silly girl, your symptoms are not related" I was sent home 2 days later and told I was fine, just over-worked.
I knew differently, as I say... my instincts told me it was my implants. So I went back to my surgeon and told him of my fears... he felt my breasts and told me (in no-uncertain terms) that they were both perfect (the best he'd ever done) and the only thing he seemed bothered about was getting some pictures of me to add to his "portfolio". Silicone was safe, it was a proven mediacal fact and my breasts were intact and a complete success, he would not even contemplate removing them. I went away feeling like a paranoid idiot (that's how he made me feel) I should have gone with my instincts, but he was the expert, I trusted him.
6 weeks later the fatigue set in, intense fatigue, I slept for 12-16 hours a day, and woke up still feeling as if I hadn't slept a wink and so achy - everything ached - just holding a glass of milk was difficult.
My life and health went rapidly rolling downhill from there... so many foggy days... visits to neurologists, Chinese herbalists, GPs, hospitals, doctors shaking their head in puzzlement, different people saying the same thing "you look so well, you don't look ill, snap out of it" friends leaving and never coming back, psychologists trying to "get to the bottom of it", my husband's tears of frustration, ultrasounds of my breasts (nothing wrong), then came the depression... deep dark holes of depression and this constant fog... I couldn't think, couldn't focus on anything, just pain and confusion.... but such beautiful breasts.
In 2007 I was eventually diagnosed with celiac disease, suspected MS, plus a multitude of allergies which appeared from no-where!
Roll on to 2009; I'm now 29 years old: I rarely leave the house (too tired) I'm riddled with pain, losing my hair, have weekly migraines, constant pain in my breasts, rashes, feel flu-like all the time, a chronic cough and I've been diagnosed with debilitating auto-immune problems (there's nothing like this in my family and I was perfectly healthy before I had my implants). I've been sacked from my model agency for not attending castings (4 years ago now). We also lost our house in 2007 because we couldn't pay the bank (my husband had to give up work to be my carer) .... but my breasts still look fabulous.
Then, last week, I was visiting yet another GP when he said "you have implants, right?" I nodded dutifully (I'd answered all these questions so many times before) "it says here that you've had concerns about them, correct?'" I agreed. He then examined my breasts and said he was 100% sure (just from feeling my left breast) that it was ruptured (mushy, with folds). He then told me my first step was an MRI (which I'm having later this week). But he's positive this is what is wrong with me (I was shaking with rage and frustration, why had no-one believed me before?) I should have trusted my instincts at the beginning, but I believed the Doctors... they knew best, right?
I now feel like such a fool, I've lost most of my 20's for a pair of plastic breasts.
My GP has told me that although my breasts are still perky and not saggy (and I have a lot of tissue of my own, at least a large B cup) he thinks I will still be disfigured... I shouldn't care, but I do. I'm trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter if I'm deformed, but my tears keep telling me otherwise.
I'm so scared, so lonely, my friends and family don't understand and my husband can't look me in the eye (the guilt is eating him up, even though I've told him over and over that it's not his fault, he didn't know this would happen when he bought me my beautiful new breasts).
I have no idea who's going to take them out, my parents are going to pay for the surgery (thank God). But I feel so lost and confused... where do I go from here? How do I find a surgeon that's done this before? What will happen after the MRI? Is my GP right... will I be mutilated after explantation? He doesn't know of anyone that's done this before without putting new implants back in.
So sorry for the essay and all the questions, I have no-one else to talk to or ask these questions to, any help you can give me would be so gratefully received.
Thank you so much,
Astrid
PS: It looks like I've posted this in the wrong place, so sorry... I'm new and more than a little confused!
My name is Astrid, I'm from London, UK and I got my silicone implants 9 years ago (as a 21st birthday present from my fiancee). I was a picture of health and a small perky B cup, but I wanted to be a bouncing D cup - just like my beautiful perfect sisters (I'm 5ft 9 and skinny and they're petite and wonderfully curvy, I felt like a freak next to them and they always teased me).
I was a catwalk model but I had dreams of being a lingerie model... so 3 days after my 18th birthday, I booked in with a clinic and had two huge bags of silicone implanted onto my chest (sub-pectoral, textured). Woke up feeling like I'd been kicked in the chest and wondering what the hell I'd done (they looked huge). 2 weeks later I realized something had gone horribly wrong as my left implant was up around my chin (I kid you not). My surgeon said it was normal, I got mildly hysterical and shouted at him that "if this was normal, then I wanted them out....NOW" he then backed down and agreed it wasn't "quite right" and back into theatre I went, to have it corrected.
Roll on a few weeks and my breasts were perfect, the swelling had gone down and they were fabulous, no-one could tell they were fake (not even my GP, she insisted in feeling them as she just didn't believe me). They were bouncy, soft and bloody marvelous.
1 month later I landed a contract with a major lingerie label and my career took off - full steam ahead. Everything was picture-perfect for 3 years... I married my fiancee, we bought a house, I had beautiful breasts and I had my dream job (life couldn't be more perfect) I was so happy, everyday was like a fairytale.
Then, one day, I abruptly woke up from my fairytale and the nightmare began; it started with a red rash all over my left breast (the one that had been corrected 3 years ago) and a burning pain searing through my breast, shoulder and arm... I then developed such an intense migraine that I fell unconscious..... my neighbor found me on my doorstep and called an ambulance (no idea how I'd got there, must have crawled outside for help). At the hospital they thought I'd had a stoke as my eye and mouth were distorted (this only lasted a few hours and thank God - went back to normal). I don't know why, but I just knew something was wrong with my implant... but I was dismissed, told "don't be a silly girl, your symptoms are not related" I was sent home 2 days later and told I was fine, just over-worked.
I knew differently, as I say... my instincts told me it was my implants. So I went back to my surgeon and told him of my fears... he felt my breasts and told me (in no-uncertain terms) that they were both perfect (the best he'd ever done) and the only thing he seemed bothered about was getting some pictures of me to add to his "portfolio". Silicone was safe, it was a proven mediacal fact and my breasts were intact and a complete success, he would not even contemplate removing them. I went away feeling like a paranoid idiot (that's how he made me feel) I should have gone with my instincts, but he was the expert, I trusted him.
6 weeks later the fatigue set in, intense fatigue, I slept for 12-16 hours a day, and woke up still feeling as if I hadn't slept a wink and so achy - everything ached - just holding a glass of milk was difficult.
My life and health went rapidly rolling downhill from there... so many foggy days... visits to neurologists, Chinese herbalists, GPs, hospitals, doctors shaking their head in puzzlement, different people saying the same thing "you look so well, you don't look ill, snap out of it" friends leaving and never coming back, psychologists trying to "get to the bottom of it", my husband's tears of frustration, ultrasounds of my breasts (nothing wrong), then came the depression... deep dark holes of depression and this constant fog... I couldn't think, couldn't focus on anything, just pain and confusion.... but such beautiful breasts.
In 2007 I was eventually diagnosed with celiac disease, suspected MS, plus a multitude of allergies which appeared from no-where!
Roll on to 2009; I'm now 29 years old: I rarely leave the house (too tired) I'm riddled with pain, losing my hair, have weekly migraines, constant pain in my breasts, rashes, feel flu-like all the time, a chronic cough and I've been diagnosed with debilitating auto-immune problems (there's nothing like this in my family and I was perfectly healthy before I had my implants). I've been sacked from my model agency for not attending castings (4 years ago now). We also lost our house in 2007 because we couldn't pay the bank (my husband had to give up work to be my carer) .... but my breasts still look fabulous.
Then, last week, I was visiting yet another GP when he said "you have implants, right?" I nodded dutifully (I'd answered all these questions so many times before) "it says here that you've had concerns about them, correct?'" I agreed. He then examined my breasts and said he was 100% sure (just from feeling my left breast) that it was ruptured (mushy, with folds). He then told me my first step was an MRI (which I'm having later this week). But he's positive this is what is wrong with me (I was shaking with rage and frustration, why had no-one believed me before?) I should have trusted my instincts at the beginning, but I believed the Doctors... they knew best, right?
I now feel like such a fool, I've lost most of my 20's for a pair of plastic breasts.
My GP has told me that although my breasts are still perky and not saggy (and I have a lot of tissue of my own, at least a large B cup) he thinks I will still be disfigured... I shouldn't care, but I do. I'm trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter if I'm deformed, but my tears keep telling me otherwise.
I'm so scared, so lonely, my friends and family don't understand and my husband can't look me in the eye (the guilt is eating him up, even though I've told him over and over that it's not his fault, he didn't know this would happen when he bought me my beautiful new breasts).
I have no idea who's going to take them out, my parents are going to pay for the surgery (thank God). But I feel so lost and confused... where do I go from here? How do I find a surgeon that's done this before? What will happen after the MRI? Is my GP right... will I be mutilated after explantation? He doesn't know of anyone that's done this before without putting new implants back in.
So sorry for the essay and all the questions, I have no-one else to talk to or ask these questions to, any help you can give me would be so gratefully received.
Thank you so much,
Astrid
PS: It looks like I've posted this in the wrong place, so sorry... I'm new and more than a little confused!

